This past year has been one for the ages. At least one that has for me challenges and opportunities in shaping how I interact and engage in the world around me. I have been saddened by the rhetoric on social media and what big tech has done with blocking individuals from expressing their opinions. Whatever you believe hear me out. The issue that continues to be exposed in me and the challenge of a lot of people I see on social media is the emotions that come out depending if the other person disagrees with their point of view. To be clear this has challenged me as well. So, what happens in these situations and how can you change the world.
First of all, let me burst your bubble and tell you that you will not be able to change the world. Sorry for the dose of reality but I do believe that you can make an impact on the world. Secondly what happens when you get upset or angry at someone because of their beliefs or what they say is a physical reaction. Anger is a good emotion but how you express it is not usually good. Anger causes our blood pressure to rise which brings about our flight or fight mechanism in our bodies. Here is what happens in our bodies taken from the dailyhealthpost.com web site.
“The part of the brain that responds first when anger strikes is the amygdala. You can find it located deep within the temporal lobe of the brain.
The amygdala controls emotion and the instinctive ‘fight or flight’ response to fear, feeling threatened and stress. It is able to process a magnitude of information, assessing the possible dangers within milliseconds; allowing you to react first and think later.
Above the amygdala within the frontal lobe lies the ability to make decisions, solve problems and behavior. When anger hits, blood rushes through the frontal cortex clouding rational thought.”
This is not a post about anger management, but I do believe there are truths to what is given for help in controlling anger. So, instead of posting and verbalizing our opinions and points of view in the echo chamber of social media how do you think WE can change the world? Let me suggest some ideas but first step back, count to 10, go for a walk or whatever it takes to separate yourself from your heightened emotions. Now that you are settled let’s begin.
- Keep An Open Mind
There is a saying that states “You don’t know what you don’t know.” This is so helpful because you start from your own experiences and history but until you walk in someone else’s shoes you cannot know what they are thinking and where its source has come from. One thing that reading books has taught me is that I have grown in my empathy and have gotten a greater understanding of others and their thoughts and ideas. Unfortunately, today the media has a bent which has clouded their reporting which leads to the next point.
- Do Your Research
My wife is a nurse and was helping her grandfather navigate the sad time when her grandmother went into the hospital and passed away. She tried to help with understanding what the Doctors were communicating but also to help her grandfather to seek a second opinion. Even those who we think are the expert need to be questioned. Those questions could spark something that brings another idea or solution to the equation which could be the right answer. What this does for you is to help you get a balanced understanding of the issue and help distil your thinking to be able to clearly state your opinion. Expressing that opinion leads to my next idea.
- Be Kind and Loving and Respectful!
Yelling and screaming or stating something as fact tends to be taken as aggressive behavior on social media. To be frank, I have done this which what we are seeing today is not changing anyone’s mind or opinion. A thought that has stuck with me for a long time comes from the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie which is that people love to talk about themselves. The simple suggestion he had was to ask questions. To understand others thinking and opinions kindly and with love, respectfully ask them why they think what they do or why they say what they say. Ultimately social media is not the best platform to do that on so that brings me to my final point.
- Be Present
There is so much information we miss from a 140-character text or post and great conversations are becoming harder to find. Sitting in front of someone else and having a deep conversation is my choice of communication. Beside the fact that civil conversation is hard to find, we truly do need to have human interaction which is even more important in todays’ world. Even a phone call has the potential for you to hear and understand tone, emotions and inflections which are vital to conversations. Take the time to listen and hear what the other person is saying and participate in the joy of being curious to learn and grow by hearing another person's story.
I am a big proponent of the “pause” because it gives you an opportunity to think and process what others are saying. Too often we are listening to respond and get our point across when we should be listening to hear and understand. You and I can influence others, but it is going to take some work. I am still growing in this area and know that I will never change the world, but I can listen and try to understand the person in front of me. One person at a time who is willing to take the time to listen and understand will go a long way to changing our world!
Make 2021 a great year. If you are looking for help to achieve your goals or have something that you would like to accomplish and need a little accountability let's talk!