Emotionally fused? Some of you may be asking the question, “what in the world are you talking about Tim?” This was an interesting concept that I was exposed to recently which I struggled with early in my life. We all have a need to be accepted and desire the approval of others but as a leader this really needs to be checked and understood. Specifically, when things do not go your way, or you are faced with challenges.
To grow into the strong leader, you were designed to be, let me first explain what emotional fusion is and give you three ideas to be a stronger leader.
First, Emotional fusion happens when people do not function independently. It is when they are emotionally reactive because of the desire for approval or are anxious because of a fear of not being accepted. The overreaction leads to an adjustment of thinking to conform to what others are saying, thinking or doing.
A leader needs to have a strong sense of differentiation but with a humble spirit about them. A strong sense of differentiation understands that you need people but also the leader knows himself, can assess the facts and is calm and clearheaded in the face of adversity.
Know thyself -
I have mentioned this many time but let me express this again. You live out of your values making decisions and choices based on them. A person who knows himself and the values that are intrinsic to who you are will be guided in decision making without being too emotional or wishy-washy. Choices are made with confidence. They can even be done selflessly while acting in the best interest of others. Being principled will help you live out your true self.
Asses the facts –
Once you know who you are and what you stand for it is much easier to assess what the facts are. Unfortunately, many people live out of emotion where their minds get clouded by their emotions. In the face of conflict, criticism or rejection it is hard to separate the facts when emotionally hijacked. Being emotionally fused is a hindrance to being able to assess the facts. When there is a tendency to being emotionally fused it is helpful to take a moment. Pause and let your mind catch up to give you that moment to be able to process the situation and to give you a better chance at assessing the situation. A leader will step up and make the choice based on the facts!
Be calm and clearheaded –
There are multiple ways that an emotionally fused person can be hijacked as a leader. This last idea is the outpouring of the other two. When a leader knows who they are they are not swayed by emotions. When you are not swayed by emotions you can assess the facts which will give you clarity wot be calm and clearheaded. Knowing your true self and having the mindfulness to see through the situation gives confidence to be able to make better choices.
It is not easy to be a leader, but this is one area that I have grown in and I hope this has helped you to see how relationships can be hard to navigate. Some relationships you will need to separate yourself from and others you will need to adjust. We do need to be in relationships, but it is imperative that you see them for what they are. Know yourself and be confident in that where you are clear that you are not fused and being controlled or manipulated by others. If you are not sure about your leadership potential or if you are struggling to find your way, let me help you develop your leadership for you to be the string leader you can be. I do FREE “zero” pressure consultations. Get on my schedule today!