Listening Your Way to Your Legacy!
I quoted Winston Churchill in the past when writing about courage. Churchill stated that “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Everyone wants to be heard. I would venture to say that in organizations today people want to provide value and input to their companies. So, what does this mean for the person who leads an organization or team or is overseeing either a single person or many persons? It means the leader needs to be a good listener. Unfortunately, listening is often a lost skill.
A few years ago, I was going through a tough season where I had many obligations. I was trying to balance the difficult situation while taking classes and trying to stay somewhat balanced at home. I was fortunate to have a person from church, who was also struggling with circumstances, consent to meet with me for the purpose of some great conversations. I would listen to him, and he would listen to me. In that time, it was beneficial because while listening to each other, we were able to work through our challenges. Do you have someone, perhaps a coach or mentor, that you can talk with to share your challenges? Are you that person for someone else?
To be the listener or to have someone to listen to, here are 4 things to be mindful of.
- Trust – When seeking someone to share your burdens and challenges with, you need to first be able to trust the other person while also being trustworthy to the person who you are listening to. Making sure things that are said in private stay private and in complete confidence. Be selective but seek out someone who you can meet with on a weekly basis. Being accountable and having that trusted relationship will help you grow as an individual.
- Valued – How does it make you feel when you are talking to someone and they seem more interested and focused on what they are going to say next then on what you are saying? Do you listen to others as they speak? When people listen and are focused on what the other person is saying, the speaker gains a sense of value. The value created comes from the listener actively seeking to understand what the speaker is saying. Understanding comes from clarifying questions, repeating information back as well as offering observations. Being a good listener will also offer insight and contribute to the conversation when appropriate.
- Find out what makes them tick – As I mentioned earlier, everyone wants to be heard. Everyone has a story they eagerly want to tell, whether it is a hurt or challenge or a success or achievement. Social media, where audiences only see what the author wants them to see and where people only see the smiles and good times and the tidiness of life, demonstrates and glamorizes and tells only the sunny side of the truth. There is more to life then smiles, good times, or glamor. As a leader it is important to know how to motivate and encourage your people, but first you must understand and know what makes them tick.
Kim Scott
- It creates a positive work environment – Knowing that you are heard and understood brings about a healthy work environment. As a boss or leader, creating that space for people to share their views and opinions in a safe environment drives a cohesive work environment. This comes full circle with the idea of trust. If people know that they can share their ideas and not be shot down and are encouraged to speak and know they will be heard, it creates a healthy work environment.
In her book Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity, Kim Scott brought out the idea of quiet and loud listening. As you can imagine “quiet listening” is being able to listen intently and allow long silences while listening. In contrast, “loud listening” is about saying things intended to get a reaction. As a leader, the point with either style is what Kim Scott states, “You don’t want a tyranny of the most verbose on your team; you want to get to the best answer together.”
Create the space where you work or lead to give others the opportunity to be heard. Doing this takes work but is often as simple as taking some time to listen to others. Be courageous and take the time to sit and listen!
This is not easy. What are the challenges you face in taking time to listen to others?